The Gloomy Side of the Street
I struggle with depression. My cup is always half empty and leaking. I see the sunny side of the street, I admire it and those comfortably dwelling there. I take the occasional vacation into that blessed land, but I cannot manage to invest in a permanent residence. I do not wallow in my gloomy state. I hate it quite a lot.
I am not writing to diagnose anyone, prescribe a remedy or garner sympathy. I am telling you the story of God saving my life, over and over again. I’ve learned a few lessons as I’ve unwrapped His gift of love, mercy and grace. I wish for you the hope and joy I’ve found and cling to.
There is a standard, a quality of life that each person imagines and strives toward. I only wanted to be a perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, Christian, church member, friend, financier, adviser, employee, teacher, mentor……If you think I might have a God complex, yes that too. I was young and naive and the only option was to grow old and wise or die. At times it was a difficult choice.
My story took me to a rural community with a small school where I served as music teacher. My classroom was a tiny outbuilding on the back forty. Students had to walk a short distance across a gravel drive to enter my room. I could hear them coming. One afternoon I was sitting at my piano, in the dark. I couldn’t find a song in my heart. My head was reeling with a multitude of failures and a full ‘To Do’ list I didn’t have the energy or resources to complete. If you think I sound whiny on paper, just imagine what God gets to hear!!! His shoulders are big though and I knew if He was real, hope was near and I could continue on. So I cried, “Dear Father, if You are there please speak!”
Within seconds I heard steps crunching across that dusty, rocky path and two beautiful baritone voices singing a praise riff, “I didn’t bring you this far to let you down now.” Over and over until one of the voices added, “God has smiled on me. He has set me free!” God spoke through two high school boys just bee-bopping along, bringing Heaven to earth. God heard my cry and He answered clearly.
I later heard the rest of this song during a visit to Solomon Grove Baptist Church for a student Sunday. I think these are the lines that layer one on top of the other as voices join in.
God has smiled on me,
He has set me free.
His love won’t let me be,
Yes God has smiled on me.
He didn’t bring this far to let me down now. (Repeated until you get it!)
If that isn’t enough, the words and traditional tune of Amazing Grace weave in and out like an intricate tapestry.
God is Good. He will answer. Seek first His Kingdom and everything else will work out! Matthew 6:33-34, paraphrased.
All my love,
Gretchen
And the rest of the story goes like this:
Sean Wright and Dwan Henderson were the two singing angels. Both have grown to be very fine men with amazing families of their own. Thanks guys, Mrs. Rooney loves you.
A few truths I’ve found helpful:
1. God doesn’t play games with your emotions and you shouldn’t either. Depression is deadly. Don’t go there. Get help. You are welcome to contact me but a professional is probably a good idea.
2. Practice random acts of kindness. Don’t spend money, just give encouragement or gratitude. You will be doing a great service to the world.
3. Distinguish between God’s call and the world’s unrealistic demands. God is loving and gentle. He protects and restores. He is NEVER cruel and abusive.
4. Make discipleship a priority, (devotionals and Bible study) especially when you don’t feel like it.
5. God thought the world needed one of you. I’m sure I do, so please take care of yourself!
I have dealt with many of these same issues along with anxiety for the future. God spoke to me as I lay in my bed saying, “right now you are safe, right now you have enough. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Worry steals from today!” My anxiety left and was much easier to keep down after that. As for the rest, I’ve come to realize I can’t do it all. So for now I’m the best teacher I can be. Maybe when I retire my house will be clean again!
I’ve had to learn to let some things go so the important things could take priority. Thanks for reading and responding. Have a great day!
Very well written, words tha,t apply to so many people who struggle daily. Thanks
Thank you Sharon. Thank you for reading.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have heard most of my life a Christian shouldn’t be depressed, but it happens to the best of us. I have Multiple Sclerosis, if that wasn’t enough to make someone depressed, but you add clinical depression on top of that, it makes for a battle at times. My God is faithful. He sends someone like you across my path to let me know I’m not alone in this struggle. I have admired your dad all my life, he has been special to my family. Stay strong and keep spreading the good news.
Sheila, I will be praying for you. My co-teacher has just been diagnosed with MS and she has two pre-school aged boys. Yes, God is Faithful and He has shown Himself to us in this time of great need. Stay in touch.