“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea. Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” Psalms 139: 7-10
I call them Judas days, moments that betray me, seconds of doubt and disappointment that flash through my mind, hook together with like thoughts and become days, weeks….. seasons. I have confessed my sins and they are forgiven. I believe that the exclusive, defining characteristic of God is Love, but in days of Judas, when all I know and believe doesn’t seem to be enough, there is an illogical darkness, a waning of warmth and comfort, a shift from confident balance and positivity, to a fragile grasp, clinging to the promises of a God I know is Good.
If I am a Christian why am I not exempt from depression? I do not have the answer to that, but I too struggle with mental shadows. I am NOT a mental health professional but I have found things that bring me through my Judas days in victory.
- Most importantly, find a health care professional that you trust and be honest with them.
- Don’t get lost in the lie that this will last forever. Hopelessness is dangerous!
- Your feelings are real and there is no logic to pain, so don’t try to reason it away.
- Talk to others. God sends amazing people into your life. Don’t push them away in the name of independence and strength.
- Chose to do good. Be kind. Someone needs the blessing of your presence.
- Compassion for others is born in our personal sorrows and failures. Give your heart some credit and take joy in what you will become.
- Rest. Don’t sulk, or wage emotional warfare against those that have hurt you, but rather, seek respite to restore and strengthen yourself in a healthy and appropriate way.
Cute quotes and sayings that patronize deep emotional issues are not the meat and potatoes feast your soul is seeking. Stay in God’s Word. It is His voice and He will speak. God doesn’t chose the strongest to suffer the most because they can handle it. Facing down the gates of hell is something everyone will come to at one time or another. The outcome is your choice and is determined by who you take with you to win. Take Jesus (and a few of His friends)! He’s already won that battle!
One last thought: Good lives don’t just happen. They are purposely built by the inhabitants. Reckless words and toxic things effect impulsive thoughts and responses. Be careful and clean the corners of your heart often.
Love,
Gretchen
Good perspective! I too, struggle with depression now and again, but my biggest problem is occasional anger! It is hard to always know how to interpret the phrase, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” You can’t just make feelings disappear! That’s when I have to remind myself that the feelings will not last forever, but rash actions on my part could!
As a family we are still and always will be in prayer for you. I cannot begin to imagine your grief and I know anger is a part of the process. Dad told me one time, after a horrible event in my life, to just keep heading one step at a time toward the Throne and let that be my focus. After a while all those single foot steps would turn into good. And they did. I am here if you need me (501-581-3197). I hope you find solace in good friends and God’s love.