The duration of my entire childhood was spent wishing to be grown. Then it happened. My first real foray into ‘adulting’ began when I enrolled in Bethany Nazarene College (presently Southern Nazarene University). In late August of 1981 my parents drove me from our home in central Arkansas, to the campus of my dreams, in Bethany, Oklahoma, just west of Oklahoma City. I remember nothing of the drive. We carried my belongings up five flights of stairs to my dorm room and I settled in. Very soon it came time for mom and dad to depart and leave me to freshman orientation. Mom went to the car while dad hugged me close and whispered in my ear, “Gretchen, no matter what, always give God and I and chance to love you through.”
Rainbows and sunshine were mapped out and awaited my go ahead. I am a rule follower with plans, outlines and emergency exits. I do not cross uncharted waters. My adventures involve a great deal of kicking and screaming! Why did my father’s final words to me, on this momentous day, hint of adversity and personal failure?
The castle in the clouds crumbled soon enough. Amidst all my good intentions, I failed. My adult decisions weren’t all constructive, some were incredibly selfish and costly. It was ugly and bitter. At one point I had to choose between persevering and death. The outcome is obvious, but I made that choice because I had something valuable, an earthly father who modeled a Heavenly Father’s love, so faithful and enduring I could not escape from it.
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
I John 3:1a
The promised love of my earthly father has been strained to its limits. Proven solid, constant and true, it led me to The Father’s love…… that love my dad asked me to cling to and trust, standing in the sunshine, in his warm embrace, as I was stepping into a world I knew very little of, but he knew would tempt and test my resolve and determination.
Dad knew dreams don’t always come true, but love can bring you through. I Corinthians 13:8 says, “Love never fails.” All you have to do is give it a chance. Love one another, it’s a game changer and let others love you too!
Blessings,
Gretchen
P.S. A life lived in God’s will far exceeds any hopes or aspirations I ever dared to imagine all those years ago when I just knew I would take the world by storm. Trust Him with everything!
I definitely know what it’s like to have expectations and NONE of them manifest in the past. One thing is certain when that happens—I never stop trying to figure it out and I never stop learning from it. But if I could change it sadly I probably would.