The Gloomy Side of the Street
I struggle with depression. My cup is always half empty and leaking. I see the sunny side of the street, I admire it and those comfortably dwelling there. I take the occasional vacation into that blessed land, but I cannot manage to invest in a permanent residence. I do not wallow in my gloomy state. I hate it quite a lot.
I am not writing to diagnose anyone, prescribe a remedy or garner sympathy. I am telling you the story of God saving my life, over and over again. I’ve learned a few lessons as I’ve unwrapped His gift of love, mercy and grace. I wish for you the hope and joy I’ve found and cling to.
There is a standard, a quality of life that each person imagines and strives toward. I only wanted to be a perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, Christian, church member, friend, financier, adviser, employee, teacher, mentor……If you think I might have a God complex, yes that too. I was young and naive and the only option was to grow old and wise or die. At times it was a difficult choice.
My story took me to a rural community with a small school where I served as music teacher. My classroom was a tiny outbuilding on the back forty. Students had to walk a short distance across a gravel drive to enter my room. I could hear them coming. One afternoon I was sitting at my piano, in the dark. I couldn’t find a song in my heart. My head was reeling with a multitude of failures and a full ‘To Do’ list I didn’t have the energy or resources to complete. If you think I sound whiny on paper, just imagine what God gets to hear!!! His shoulders are big though and I knew if He was real, hope was near and I could continue on. So I cried, “Dear Father, if You are there please speak!”
Within seconds I heard steps crunching across that dusty, rocky path and two beautiful baritone voices singing a praise riff, “I didn’t bring you this far to let you down now.” Over and over until one of the voices added, “God has smiled on me. He has set me free!” God spoke through two high school boys just bee-bopping along, bringing Heaven to earth. God heard my cry and He answered clearly.
I later heard the rest of this song during a visit to Solomon Grove Baptist Church for a student Sunday. I think these are the lines that layer one on top of the other as voices join in.
God has smiled on me,
He has set me free.
His love won’t let me be,
Yes God has smiled on me.
He didn’t bring this far to let me down now. (Repeated until you get it!)
If that isn’t enough, the words and traditional tune of Amazing Grace weave in and out like an intricate tapestry.
God is Good. He will answer. Seek first His Kingdom and everything else will work out! Matthew 6:33-34, paraphrased.
All my love,
Gretchen
And the rest of the story goes like this:
Sean Wright and Dwan Henderson were the two singing angels. Both have grown to be very fine men with amazing families of their own. Thanks guys, Mrs. Rooney loves you.
A few truths I’ve found helpful:
1. God doesn’t play games with your emotions and you shouldn’t either. Depression is deadly. Don’t go there. Get help. You are welcome to contact me but a professional is probably a good idea.
2. Practice random acts of kindness. Don’t spend money, just give encouragement or gratitude. You will be doing a great service to the world.
3. Distinguish between God’s call and the world’s unrealistic demands. God is loving and gentle. He protects and restores. He is NEVER cruel and abusive.
4. Make discipleship a priority, (devotionals and Bible study) especially when you don’t feel like it.
5. God thought the world needed one of you. I’m sure I do, so please take care of yourself!